Neal Grace on Having Fresh Eyes Upon the World and Making Life a Spectacular Journey

In this interview, Neal Grace talks to Alexander “The Engineer” Lim, host of AuthorStory by alvinwriter.com, about his book, FRESH EYES UPON THE WORLD: Making Life a Spectacular Journey.



“Be bold, be adventurous. Be willing to take a risk.” ~Neal Grace

A lot of things that Neal observed going on in the world didn’t resonate with him after graduating high school, and it was because he wanted to discover who he was and how to fit into the world that he embarked on the lifelong journey that he did, along a path deemed unconventional at that time. His drive led him to want to explore different environments and cultures, and as he did so, he gained opportunities to learn about himself and about life. He acknowledges that this path was both “scintillating and exciting,” as well as spontaneous, occasionally dramatic, lonely and difficult, as he didn’t find a place that he could call “home” for a long time.

Neal liked reading books to learn about the world, and also loved poetry “that made a statement” about life in a tangible and vivid way. Writing poetry, for him, became a way to reflect on his own life, on his perceptions of the world or about some aspect of himself, as well as a way to enrich himself spiritually and intellectually. He also likes music, theater and dance as well as other forms of creative expression because, to him, creativity is “the soul yearning for a discovery of itself, and for an opportunity to interact and dance with the world in magical and mystical ways.” Exploring creativity, Neal remarks, “is a journey into a higher realm,” as well as a journey that takes him back to the “raw reality” of daily life. “Creativity,” he notes, “is a way of playing with the world in such a way that you reinvent yourself with the world.”

Neal notes that everyone is on a spiritual journey, as they are all evolving from the day they are born to the day they die. He describes his own journey as an adventure, where every experience was a learning opportunity that enabled him to get closer with himself. Neal admits that material benefits were secondary to his journey, as he didn’t subscribe to the orthodox lifestyle his peers followed. He opines that all great philosophers need to “step aside” at some point in their lives and travel a “pathless” world to get in touch with their own strengths and weaknesses, and that everyone should figure out how to “reap some great rewards” from life’s experiences.

Neal remarks that, the more sensitive one is, the more one would find it difficult to resonate with society as we know it, as the latter is fractured; indeed, he analogizes it to everyone being in an “insane asylum” where everyone needs to deal with everyone else. In this challenging environment, being creative and resourceful is vital to meeting the inevitable obstacles and detours that one would follow, Neal muses.

Neal notes that there is nothing wrong with working on the “mundane aspects of life” and living a materially orthodox life, and he has proven this in his own life, as he has made money for himself to enjoy the material comforts of life without sacrificing his own integrity and creativity. His outlook on material affluence is to acquire this in a healthy, balanced way, so he can create serenity and stability for himself. Neal notes that the desire for material wealth gets unbalanced when one places one’s “toxicity” on this, by either condemning or becoming obsessed with it, as well as becoming prisoners of it, and that if the desire for material wealth is done in a beneficial way, then this “becomes a good thing.” The toxicity, he notes, comes when people bring their unresolved past issues into the present, and occurs because one brings one’s own disposition, be it disempowered or powered, caring or fearful, into every moment of one’s life.

Fresh Eyes Upon the World, Neal notes, “started when I was born,” as it is a compilation of the lessons he has learned in his life. The purpose of his book is to inspire people to have an uplifting and meaningful life for themselves, in reaction to all the suffering, struggle and malevolence he sees in the world. Its intention is also to promote wellness and to heal all the wounds we all have, as well as the wounds in the world at large, be it environmental or societical, and Neal’s own goal is to create a world of understanding, more than anything else.

The questions in the book, Neal notes, are ones which people reflect on at some point in their lives, and he believes these are asked unconsciously. Neal opines that the most important question that is asked is: “How can I be happy / fulfilled / at peace with the conditions of the world or my own personal life?” The answers that Neal gives are based on his experience, logic and what he learned, and are simple when distilled down to their essence. He notes that the answers are clear and can be incorporated into one’s life, but he also remarks that people might be asking the right questions and getting the answers, but not taking the next, necessary step by doing something in relationship with the question they asked, to transform and heal the issue that the question springs from. Neal notes that taking that action opens up new doors and new questions, and that delving into the question honestly and objectively is what produces viable results. He remarks that one of the reasons why people don’t apply what they know to do to get off feeding unhealthy habits is because they are “wedded” to these, and that it takes a great deal of resolve, commitment and energy to get clear from such habits, as well as a love of self beyond one’s ego.

Purchase from Amazon: FRESH EYES UPON THE WORLD: Making Life a Spectacular Journey by Neal Grace

Saeeda Hafiz on Her Journey from Poverty to Inner Riches (The Healing)

In this interview, Saeeda Hafiz talks to Alexander “The Engineer” Lim, host of AuthorStory by alvinwriter.com, about her book, The Healing: One Woman’s Journey from Poverty to Inner Riches.



“Be as authentic as you can be in your journey.” ~Saeeda Hafiz

Saeeda initially intended The Healing to be a calendar to enable people to get in touch with themselves, but she then realized that, as she did so with other people, she found herself telling the same stories over and over again. It was because of this repetition that Saeeda decided to write The Healing as it has presently become.

Saeeda mentioned that, as she went along her journey of living healthy, she would occasionally get flashbacks of childhood traumatic events. She grew up in an environment of poverty and domestic violence, with her mother being the only parent who brought up her and her siblings. This upbringing permeated her life and the lives of her siblings, particularly when it came to stretching the money available.

Saeeda notes that, within the African American community, there is a conversation that getting an education ensures that one rises above the circumstances of one’s poverty, but that doing so isn’t easy if the community and environment don’t support that goal. She gives the example of her grandfather who claimed he was doing okay, despite getting only a junior high school education, and he then pulled her father into what he was doing. She notes that there are changes involved with assimilating into an environment different from the one that one grew up in, and that not everyone is comfortable with this. Saeeda thus used food and yoga to center herself as she underwent this kind of journey of curiosity and development.

Although friends had tried to get her to try out yoga during college, Saeeda became involved in it after she graduated. She acknowledged that she initially resisted going to yoga classes, particularly as she was the only black student taking up yoga and her classmates were twice her age and could hold yoga poses she couldn’t yet hold, and could hold their poses longer than she could. Saeda nevertheless felt that yoga was a calling for her, and that, at the end of the classes she took, she got a sense well-being and peace, as well as that healing was about to happen.

Saeeda remarked that the conversation of doing certain things will result in freedom from the past isn’t a truthful one. She notes that, in her experience, eating food that was “alive” helped her synthesize her childhood experiences. Yoga also helped her understand that there was a path of moving these experiences through herself to create a deeper sense of health. Saeeda also remarked that eating the proper kind of food and yoga helped to lift herself from those negative experiences, particularly any shame associated with these. She then points out that this can be useful when coming to terms with the parts of a family’s or a country’s history that were traumatic, as acknowledging and integrating these aspects is actually what enables one to move on. Saeeda also remarks that empowering one another is important to move on, and that people need to own their actions to allow forces to come into play, so everyone can move forward together.

Saeeda notes that there is always power in the present moment, where one can look where one presently is and realize that there is something one can do to help change one’s present direction. To those who may be struggling with the traumas of her past, Saeeda recommends that they try to connect with their own, inner voice, the voice of their true self, and see what it’s telling them, noting that it takes a lot of work to run away from oneself, which is easy to do with the distractions available today.

Purchase from Amazon: The Healing: One Woman’s Journey from Poverty to Inner Riches by Saeeda Hafiz

Erica Garza & Her True Story of Getting Off from Sex and Porn Addiction

In this interview, Erica Garza talks to Alexander “The Engineer” Lim, host of AuthorStory by alvinwriter.com, about her book, Getting Off: One Woman's Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction.

PLAY THE VIDEO AND LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW WITH ERICA HERSELF.

“Shame was the driving force in the way my addiction manifested.” ~Erica Garza

Erica decided to write Getting Off for several reasons, one of which was her using writing as a way to deal with difficult emotions and gain perspective on her life. It was because of this that she felt most at home with the Hoffman process (which is a seven-day retreat where writing is one of the methods involved) to help her come to terms with her own sexual addiction, and the seed of the book was an essay she wrote on the topic. Writing the essay was challenging for her, and after she posted it online, she received a lot of emails from people who felt isolated, alone and ashamed with their own sexual addictions. The responses encouraged her to write more and the result was book she eventually authored.

Erica grew up in a Catholic environment, and her family environment was one of love and support. She began the road to sex addiction when, at the age of twelve, she was diagnosed with scoliosis and needed to wear a back brace for two years. She accordingly felt very self-conscious, insecure and anxious about herself and her body, and had, by then, began masturbating and exploring pornography. She then began using masturbation and pornography as a way to get get a break from the insecure and scary thoughts and feelings that were her normal experience, noting that, when she was focused on achieving orgasm, that was the only thing she would think about.

Sex became an escapist crutch for Erica to lean on as she grew older, and her leaning on that crutch was enhanced by the growing presence and ease of availability of pornography on the Internet. Having sex with men also added to this crutch, and even then Erica used sex to help hide her emotions and self away from others, as she found connection and friendship to be challenging; and this made her lonely. This desire to shield her emotions was also what led her to sabotaging any relationships where she felt she was getting emotionally close to a man, so she could maintain her emotional distance.

Erica points out that women, just like men, can be sex addicts and watch and view the same kind of pornographic material that men look at, and a lot of her emails bear this out. Where conversation is concerned, however, women don’t speak publicly about this issue, which only adds to the layer of shame which sexually addicted women already feel. She points out that being told by others that something which one is experiencing “doesn’t exist” results in that person shutting down, and that this resulting isolation, silence and shame only fuels addictions even more, whereas bringing these issues out in a safe and supportive space results in healing.

Erica notes how sex addiction, and the drivers for this, vary from person to person, and the best indicator is to ask oneself the questions:

• Am I using sex as a way to escape from problems in my life?
• Am I using sex in a destructive way?
• Am I putting myself into situations where I feel I’m not in control?

Erica also notes that, in her case, the kind of porn she watched was the extreme kind where she felt bad, disgusted and ashamed. Where relationships with men were concerned, she gravitated towards those where she felt used and unkindly treated, which she notes reflected the way she treated others. Somewhat ironically, Erica admits that she needed to feel turned off, bad and abused in order to feel the adrenaline rush of a sexual experience.

Isolation was a big result of her sex addiction on herself, which fed into her feelings of shame, worthlessness and self-loathing. Erica admits that the people around her, family included, most likely felt neglected, as she felt that they weren’t worth her time. She notes that other people can most relate to her experience of being lost and stuck in the kind of negative feelings she experienced.

Erica did not hit “rock bottom,” which is a common wake-up call for those addicted to drugs and alcohol, as she gradually realized her sexual addiction over time. That said, she finally realized what was going on after she deliberately sabotaged a relationship and also realized that she would be turning thirty soon, and she then decided to do things differently, which led her to her trip to Bali, where she began figuring things out.

Breaking her sexual addiction required Erica to break the patterns which enabled these, and one of the things which helped her do so was to create boundaries where she could still be sexually exploratory in a way that didn’t hurt those whom she loved. For her, moving on from becoming a sex addict was all about finding moderation and balance, as well as dealing with the feelings of shame and unworthiness that drove her sexual addiction in the first place. Telling the truth, for Erica, is the most powerful way to come to terms with her sexual addiction.

Erica notes that pornography isn’t the cause of sex addiction, noting that, if pornography didn’t exist, people would go to some other source of titillation, like strip clubs and peep shows. She also notes that, even if pornography didn’t exist, she would still have felt the same feelings and desires that had led her to becoming a sex addict.

To those in a similar situation that she was in, Erica recommends that they find someone to talk to, one who can listen from a space of non-judgement. Erica also strongly recommends that they go to a Twelve Steps meeting, where they can meet with like-minded people and talk about their concerns in a safe environment. She also notes that, for some people, a single method, e.g., just Twelve Steps or just yoga or just meditation, might not work, and that a combination of such methods may be needed to reclaim balance in their lives.

Purchase from Amazon: Getting Off: One Woman's Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction by Erica Garza