Cheryl Krauter on The Odyssey of Ashes: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Letting Go

In this interview, Cheryl Krauter talks to Alexander “The Engineer” Lim, host of AuthorStory by alvinwriter.com, about her book, Odyssey of Ashes: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Letting Go.

“Honor your journey.” ~Cheryl Krauter

In the four years since Cheryl’s last interview on AuthorStory, Cheryl has been working with cancer patients and therapists, as well as written at least two books (one of which is Odyssey of Ashes) and during the pandemic she has been working on the distress that has afflicted people due to that. Her first AuthorStory interview had actually taken place a year after the passing of her husband, John, who was, in Cheryl’s words, a real estate broker who became a jewelry maker and an “impatient” artist. He was also an expert fly-fisher who, for nine years, donated his time and effort to a fishing charity which supported women who were recovering from cancer - a charity from which Cheryl had won an opportunity to spend time on a guided fishing trip while she was so recovering.

John’s passing was sudden and unexpected for, as Cheryl remarked, he had no known pre-existing conditions and died within five minutes, in the early morning hours. Some time before this, John’s name had been entered in the raffle the fishing charity used to select those who would spend some time with the charity’s members and volunteers, and it was some five months after his passing that his name was drawn - an event that was so unexpected that the woman (who was John’s friend) who drew John’s name needed to ask someone else to read out his name, to confirm the draw. Cheryl went on the trip on her own, after which, according to John’s wishes, she then scattered his ashes by a river.

One of Cheryl’s fears, while writing Odyssey of Ashes, was talking about living in essentially two parallel worlds, with one being the normal, everyday world and the other being a timeless one where one comes to terms with grief that stems from the loss of a loved one. Cheryl believes that living in what are essentially two parallel realities is common, particularly in cases when the loved one has passed away suddenly, as people believe in the story that one passes away after a full and self-aware life - something which “doesn’t happen that much,” Cheryl notes. From her experience, and the experiences of those she has worked with, such an experience is a “suspended state” of reality. Cheryl’s meditation practice helped stabilize her through this experience.

“People feel like it’s crazy,” Cheryl remarks of other people’s reluctance to speak of their experiences, adding that people are afraid to experience the dual reality previously mentioned and don’t want others to know that they are “losing track” of their day-to-day lives, that they fear falling into “a pit” that they won’t be able to get out of. Cheryl notes that it’s an odd feeling for someone in such grief to realize that life does go on, adding that such is part of the process of grieving.

For Cheryl, the day when she scattered John’s ashes was probably one of the most intense parts of her grieving process, as she did so during one of the worst storms in that area’s history, and her spirits were lifted when, the following evening, she saw the aurora borealis in the sky.

Cheryl remarks that there are a lot of books on the process of dying, but there is little written about the trauma of a sudden death, and she believes that avoidance of this subject is due to such highlighting the “ephemeral” quality of people’s lives. Cheryl also notes that, although she has more or less come to terms with her grief, she still experiences such grief, at a less “acute” intensity, every now and then. She notes that the myth that people get over grief creates pressure in people to essentially be better, remarking that one never knows when memories and emotions related to the passing of a loved one will come up. “I have no idea what ‘normal’ is, anymore,” Cheryl remarks about the experiences in her life, adding that, once the grief is managed, one then creates whatever life is now present.

Cheryl adds that the loved one lost “is always with you,” and that, while “the loss never ends,” they are with one “in a different way.” Cheryl notes that, in her experience, she felt John around for a certain period of time, after which she no longer did, which is part of the process of letting go. She also notes that there are different levels of parting, which is part of the process - something which she feels important for people to undergo and, most importantly, take the time to undergo it.

Cheryl hopes that the readers of Odyssey of Ashes get a sense of permission to explore, discover and talk about all the realities that they are experiencing. She also hopes the book gives a sense of the necessary balance in one’s life, and also notes that, regardless of the events that knock people over, people can get up and find a way to create their lives and “shine again.”

Purchase from Amazon: Odyssey of Ashes: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Letting Go by Cheryl Krauter

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Amra Sabic-El-Rayess on Her Story of Love, War, and Survival

In this interview, Amra Sabic-El-Rayess talks to Alexander “The Engineer” Lim, host of AuthorStory by alvinwriter.com, about her book, The Cat I Never Named: A Story of Love, War, and Survival.

“My hope is that, if every reader can connect with elements of who I was and what I had experienced, we can connect with each other on a basic, human level.” ~Amra Sabic-El-Rayess

Amra is a Muslim who grew up in Bihac, and she was discriminated against for her religious beliefs. This discrimination came into full play when the genocidal Bosnian War of 1992 - 1995 broke out, a war which pitted the Serbs (who followed the Orthodox religion) against the Bosniaks (who were Muslim) and, eventually, the Croats (who were Catholics). She experienced a four-year military siege, where she and her family lived without electricity and experienced part of her house being blown up by a bomb and the loss of several of her friends. That said, she was raised in a loving family, and it was that love which enabled her and her family members to survive the war. These kinds of relationship, Amra points out, hold just as true in the Covid-19 pandemic (which was when this interview was conducted) and given the present state of racism and social unrest in the United States.

Amra remarks that some of the memories she remembers intensely is the feeling of pain and seeing blood and bodies on the pavement. She also remembers the news of school opening again (she was then a teenager), but as the Serbs targeted schools for attacks with the intent of killing everyone there, attending school meant literally risking one’s life. Some of Amra’s friends had been killed during this time, and these teenagers were normal teenagers, with some being math nerds and who had crushes on others. Amra also notes that rape was a tool of war, and she, herself, almost became a victim when, in desperation, she and her mother crossed enemy lines in an attempt to buy food from her enemies so they could live. That said, Amra muses that one never recovers from such experiences, with these changing the way one lives and views the world. She remarks that surviving this genocide was a “mental toll,” but also made her more empathic and sensitive about others.

An important aspect of her life during that was was the unconditional kind of love she experienced with Maci (which is Serbian for “cat”), which was a contrast from what she was experiencing from other humans at the time. Maci came to Amra as a refugee cat, and Amra originally didn’t like to look after her, as Amra had been attacked by a German Shepherd while still a child. Maci followed Amra and her father home and stayed throughout that conflict, becoming “a light” in Amra’s life. Maci, according to Amra, was intelligent, bright, patient and polite, and likely had another family to whom something had happened, and it was because Amra interacted with Maci kindly that Maci hung around, quickly adapting to Amra’s family.

Amra mentioned that she became aware of how special Maci was when, on June 12, 1992, she, her family and several others were packed into a basement of another family to evade a Serbian attack (likely shelling). Amra and her brother snuck out to go to their house during a lull in the attack, unaware at that time that the Serbs would deliberately stop shelling to allow people to leave their shelters and go out so that they would restart shelling and catch a lot of people out in the open, thereby killing a lot of them. Amra and her brother encountered four of their friends outside their house, and while talking to them, the pair heard Maci somewhere. Amra and her brother then start looking for Maci, and at that moment a shell landed and blew up, killing their four friends. Another was when Amra and her family needed to escape the city to a farm of her uncle and aunt - a place that Maci had never been to - taking Maci with them. The family then needed to leave quickly and were unable to find Maci at the time; but some time after they returned home, Maci showed up, after having crossed hills and some possible minefields. And during her stay, Maci did such things as offer the birds and mice she caught to the family.

Amra is a self-admitted math and physics nerd and appreciates the value of education, particularly given the discrimination that she had experienced. She also wrote poetry during the war, with her poems being blown up during the war, and she would tell stories to her students to help make things more memorable to her students, once she was in the academe in the United States. She hesitated writing a book on her experiences because of all the traumatic memories she knew she would remember, and it was after her younger daughter asked her, given the present situation in the United States, what would happen to her and her older sister in case Amra and her husband were rounded up and taken away. “That was a question I never wanted to hear from my child,” Amra noted, adding that, if young adults ask such questions, society is on a negative tangent, and hopes that writing her memoir would evoke empathy and understanding from those who read it.

Amra remarks that she has been “pleasantly surprised” by how her book has been received by both critics and regular readers, and the praise that she had received because of it. That said, she has also received threatening e-mails and messages on social media from racists who only know that she is Muslim, because she is using her voice to tell her story.

Purchase from Amazon: 

The Cat I Never Named: A Story of Love, War, and Survival by Amra Sabic-El-Rayess

Tanya Zabinski on Peace, Love, Action! Everyday Acts of Goodness from A to Z

In this interview, Tanya Zabinski talks to Alexander “The Engineer” Lim, host of AuthorStory by alvinwriter.com, about her book, Peace, Love, Action! Everyday Acts of Goodness from A to Z.



“In life, if you have a vision of what you’re aiming for, then it helps you get there.” ~Tanya Zabinski

Tanya came from a family whose parents were “alternatively-minded people,” with her father giving her a camera at the age of five and showing her how to develop pictures at that time, which made her aware of such things as visual composition. Her mother was an avid reader who exposed her to literature, yoga and organic gardening, and in childhood her family went camping, which she loves doing to this day, as a way to connect with the land. Tanya had always to become an artist since childhood, and as she got older this felt incompatible with her desire to help others and essentially make the world a better place. This conflict was resolved when she saw a documentary of Isaac Stern going to China after that country opened up to the West, and when she saw how Isaac Stern coached a master class student on how to feel a piece, Tanya realized that she, as an artist, could give a lot to the world as an artist, and then gave herself permission to become an artist.

As an artist, Tanya counts Peter Schumann, the founder of the Bread & Puppet Company in New York, as one of her influences, particularly when combining images with single worlds, as well as his combining art with social justice topics. Peace, Love, Action! is a reflection of Tanya’s attraction to the subject of peaceful activism in its many forms, and is her first published book, which also reflects her love of a combination of stories and illustrations. Tanya reflects that she had always written throughout her life, writing out stories and poetry, and remarked that she has always wanted to be an author-illustrator. Writing Peace, Love, Action! was, for Tanya, a culmination of a life of reading about the lives of people who inspired her. She had originally wanted the book to be one only of illustrations, but then realized that she needed to add biographies and other information gave readers time to dwell on the picture and what that picture actually meant.

As a person, Tanya had occasionally felt that she wasn’t doing enough, that she was so involved in her own world that she didn’t do anything beyond that, and she shared a story that helped her realize that what she does everyday, in her ordinary life, is something that is worthwhile, that such activities are worth something. Tanya also shared the story of Andrew Bienkowski, whose family was sent to Siberia for two years, and whose mother and grandmother helped him look for beauty in everyday life, as well as how to be thankful for the difficult things in life. Tanya also shared her experience of feeling “not yet there” and of thinking that she would feel good about herself once she became a published author, then shared a story where she realized that she didn’t need to “be there” to reach people and become successful.

When Tanya originally submitted her book to the publisher, the latter wanted her to make the book run along the concept of going from A to Z, which the book originally wasn’t, as well as to eliminate half of the people she already had and to make it more diverse. Where advice is concerned, Tanya recommends that people to take advice based on that which they lean towards, noting that the activists in her book chose what to focus on, as “no one can do it all.” She also recommends people to follow their inner voice, and to not wait for confirmation from the outside world.

Purchase on Amazon: Peace, Love, Action! Everyday Acts of Goodness from A to Z by Tanya Zabinski

NOTE: Author Tanya Zabinski recommends people to find independent bookstores as she wants people to patronize something other than Amazon

Kris Francoeur on Grief, Garlic and Gratitude and Returning to Hope and Joy from a Shattered Life - Sam's Love Story

In this interview, Kris Francoeur (a.k.a. Anna Belle Rose) talks to Alexander “The Engineer” Lim, host of AuthorStory by alvinwriter.com, about her book, Of Grief, Garlic and Gratitude: Returning to Hope and Joy from a Shattered Life - Sam’s Love Story.



“Remember the person that you’ve lost, remember what it was that they loved most, and find a way to celebrate that.” ~Kris Francoeur

Kris began writing the material for her book within days of the death of her son, Sam, by posting things online which she was grateful for, as these enabled “the darkness of the grief” to lift somewhat. It was after writing this for a few months that people began saying that her posts on gratitude were resonating with them and helping them look at their own lives. She also received suggestions about her putting these into a book, but it still took around two years before she finally decided to do so.

According to Kris, Sam was a “beacon of light and love,” something which she only fully realized after his death, when Sam’s friends and acquaintances, who had met Sam at some point in their lives, would come over and commiserate with the family. As a child, Sam would want to talk to complete strangers, and even later on, when he struggled with bipolar disorder and addiction, he would see everyone as “worthy of love” and would talk to total strangers. Sam, Kris notes, was “such a character and had such energy” that, after he died, she felt a “gaping hole” with his loss.

Sam began smoking marijuana at the age of 14, initially recreationally, but he soon found that marijuana enabled him to control the extremes of his bipolar disorder condition. This, however, became an outright addiction to prescription drugs and opiates. Kris remarks that Vermont had “absolutely been destroyed” by the opioid epidemic, as the state is a transit area for drugs, to the point where Rolling Stone magazine did a cover story on the issue, and while this issue is endlessly brought up in school, Kris notes that teenagers don’t necessarily listen to what adults say.

Kris notes that the grief she and her family experienced after Sam’s death was different from the kind of grief they had experienced before. She also remarks that grief is a process and that, as a psychologist, she thought she knew what the stages were, in the order she had learned them. She found, however, that the stages of grief are different for parents who lose children compared to when children lose parents or a friend losing a friend, noting that she never experienced anger, at least as of the time of this interview.

(The stages of grief, according to Kubler-Ross, are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance, in that order.)

Kris remarks that, at present, the sadness she feels from Sam’s loss is akin to a callous on one’s foot, in that she has learned to “walk with it.” One of the hardest lessons she had to learn was that she would always miss Sam for the rest of her life, remarking that, at Sam’s service, a woman whom she had known for forty years, and whose son had also died of an opioid overdose some fifteen years previously, hugged her and told her that “it doesn’t get better; it gets different.” The woman’s remark initially angered Kris, but Kris realized that the woman was telling her the truth. For Kris, learning to live with Sam’s death is a part of her life.

Kris acknowledges that her family isn’t religious and also didn’t want to travel such paths as drinking or taking medication or illegal drugs. Each member of the family went through grief in their own ways, and what was consistent for all of them was being with nature as much as possible, to “do a Sam” by holding true to the things that Sam loved, such as listening to music, being outdoors and being with people. The latter posed a bit of a challenge for Kris and her husband, as they are introverts, but they did so anyway, reaching out to people they didn’t know in the same way Sam used to.

Kris notes that it is easy to think that “everything is bad” whenever something bad - such as the loss of a job or an accident - happens, which colors everything that one then sees and would complain about. Kris admits that it was easy to view the world through this filter after Sam’s death, and she used to recognize, every day, the wonderful gifts that she had received, and then post online the things that she was grateful for. This helped her out greatly, particularly during the first year after Sam’s death, as she would feel peace and love - something that helped her realize that the world wasn’t the horrible place that she could so easily see it to be. Kris points out that, as she has traveled the path of “conscious and deliberate gratitude,” she has learned that being grateful for at least 30 days changes the brain’s chemistry, and can even show as much benefit as antidepressants. She remarks that her heart rate, when she writes about things she is grateful for, is the same as that when she meditates.

Community does play a part in dealing with grief, according to Kris, and she points out that this isn’t commonly the case with other families who have suffered the loss of a member who died from an opioid overdose, as the most common reaction is that other people don’t want to hear about it. Kris admits that the outlook of what Sam’s friends had on such things as energy, life, death and the universe were beyond what hers was, and that they “wrapped around” Kris and her family, showing them how much, to this day, they love Sam and his family. This openness, acceptance and acknowledgement of grief is also what enables Kris and her family to come to terms with grief and manage it in their lives.

To those who are grieving, Kris advises that everyone grieves differently, and so long as one doesn’t harm oneself, the way one grieves isn’t wrong. She also advises that those in grief record their stories, as doing so is a good way to learn about oneself.

Purchase from Amazon: Of Grief, Garlic and Gratitude: Returning to Hope and Joy from a Shattered Life?Sam’s Love Story by Kris Francoeur